Becoming a Mom for the first time
Was I ready? No. I had no idea how to take care of a baby, I was 21 years old and could barely take care of myself. I was scared. I knew having a baby took a lot of patience and care. I was unprepared for the drastic change that was about to take place in my life. I wasn’t ready. You can read all the baby books in the world but I promise you that no book can teach you how to be a parent.
Little did I know that this “uh-oh” turned out to be one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. On June 7th, 2014 I became a mother to a beautiful little girl and my life forever changed. All the things I thought I “knew” about being a mother became non existent because now I was living it. Being a mother is putting someone else before you at all times. Its losing sleep, skipping meals, and no showers. The amount of selflessness it takes to be a mother is astonishing and beautiful. You learn as you go and find what works best for you.
My life was hers, she took lead and I followed
I laid with her during naps and would often fall asleep together. I’d wake up to her little hands touching my face. We would play under the covers or sing songs and laugh. It would end in me covering her in kisses. I never knew what real love was until I became her mama. She has taught me far more than I could ever teach her in return. I got to spend the last five and a half years of my life watching my bestfriend grow into a sensitive, loving little girl.
And then my belly started to grow
I was worried. Not about losing sleep, changing diapers, or my house being dirty. I was worried about us, our relationship would lose that close bond because we are adding another to it. A strange piece of me felt like I was betraying her. The days leading up to delivery were very emotional for me. I kept thinking about how all the time I spent loving her would be split and she wouldn’t understand why mommy no longer has time to be there when she needs me.
Welcoming our newest little girl
I was so happy the second Audrey arrived. I couldn’t believe how perfect and little she was. My heart was full and my life felt complete. But somehow I still felt sad, even when Sage was right next to me I still missed her. Even though everything was perfect I knew that it would never be the same because I have a new tiny person to love and cherish just the way I did with Sage.
Transitioning is hard
Just as hard as I thought it would be if not harder. I was recovering from a c section, trying to breastfeed, and take care of a newborn. Right when baby Audrey would start nursing Sage would need me for something. And everytime I respond with “just a minute, I’m feeding your sister.” Its all new to us; this big change. Now Sage is starting to feel what I feared.
Weeks pass by
We are all still adjusting to being a family of four. Going places is now something I avoid because I just want the comfort of home and everything I need at grasp. Being out and about is no longer relaxed. As badly as Sage wants me to do our normal things together, I want it too. There is nothing more I want than to give her all of me. I just can’t because I have less hands, less time, and worst of all less patience.
But now Sage has a sibling
It’s crazy to think that I felt like I was taking something away from her. In reality I have given her something much more. She has a little sister now and that relationship alone is much deeper than I could have ever I imagined. Bringing home a newborn made it hard to see that eventually they would become bestfriends.
I can see their bond already forming. Sage is completely in love with her baby sister. Just as it was part of my journey to have more children, it was part of hers to become a big sister. All that fear I once felt has gone away.
A mother of 2
As I am still getting use to being a mother of two, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Although I didn’t plan on this being my life God knew what he was doing. I was made for motherhood. Without them I am nothing.
Thank you for stopping by!