parenting, Uncategorized

Mother of two

Becoming a Mom for the first time

Was I ready? No. I had no idea how to take care of a baby, I was 21 years old and could barely take care of myself. I was scared. I knew having a baby took a lot of patience and care. I was unprepared for the drastic change that was about to take place in my life. I wasn’t ready. You can read all the baby books in the world but I promise you that no book can teach you how to be a parent.

Little did I know that this “uh-oh” turned out to be one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. On June 7th, 2014 I became a mother to a beautiful little girl and my life forever changed. All the things I thought I “knew” about being a mother became non existent because now I was living it. Being a mother is putting someone else before you at all times. Its losing sleep, skipping meals, and no showers. The amount of selflessness it takes to be a mother is astonishing and beautiful. You learn as you go and find what works best for you.

My life was hers, she took lead and I followed

I laid with her during naps and would often fall asleep together. I’d wake up to her little hands touching my face. We would play under the covers or sing songs and laugh. It would end in me covering her in kisses. I never knew what real love was until I became her mama. She has taught me far more than I could ever teach her in return. I got to spend the last five and a half years of my life watching my bestfriend grow into a sensitive, loving little girl.

And then my belly started to grow

I was worried. Not about losing sleep, changing diapers, or my house being dirty. I was worried about us, our relationship would lose that close bond because we are adding another to it. A strange piece of me felt like I was betraying her. The days leading up to delivery were very emotional for me. I kept thinking about how all the time I spent loving her would be split and she wouldn’t understand why mommy no longer has time to be there when she needs me.

Welcoming our newest little girl

I was so happy the second Audrey arrived. I couldn’t believe how perfect and little she was. My heart was full and my life felt complete. But somehow I still felt sad, even when Sage was right next to me I still missed her. Even though everything was perfect I knew that it would never be the same because I have a new tiny person to love and cherish just the way I did with Sage.

Transitioning is hard

Just as hard as I thought it would be if not harder. I was recovering from a c section, trying to breastfeed, and take care of a newborn. Right when baby Audrey would start nursing Sage would need me for something. And everytime I respond with “just a minute, I’m feeding your sister.” Its all new to us; this big change. Now Sage is starting to feel what I feared.

Weeks pass by

We are all still adjusting to being a family of four. Going places is now something I avoid because I just want the comfort of home and everything I need at grasp. Being out and about is no longer relaxed. As badly as Sage wants me to do our normal things together, I want it too. There is nothing more I want than to give her all of me. I just can’t because I have less hands, less time, and worst of all less patience.

But now Sage has a sibling

It’s crazy to think that I felt like I was taking something away from her. In reality I have given her something much more. She has a little sister now and that relationship alone is much deeper than I could have ever I imagined. Bringing home a newborn made it hard to see that eventually they would become bestfriends.

Her everything

I can see their bond already forming. Sage is completely in love with her baby sister. Just as it was part of my journey to have more children, it was part of hers to become a big sister. All that fear I once felt has gone away.

A mother of 2

As I am still getting use to being a mother of two, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Although I didn’t plan on this being my life God knew what he was doing. I was made for motherhood. Without them I am nothing.

Thank you for stopping by!

Much love,

Krissy

parenting, Uncategorized

4 Ways To Get Rid Of Mom Guilt

The thing about mom guilt is, well we all have it. Whether you are a young mom, single mom, working mom, stay at home mom, stepmom or whatever mom you are – we are all connected through the highs and lows of motherhood.

In reality a good mom has bad days and great days, normal days and overwhelming days, perfect days and trying days, supermom days and just being a mom days, a whole lot of love days and real crazy motherhood days.

I think this topic isn’t talked about as much as it is felt. At the end of each day I personally sit and reflect on all the ways I went wrong through my day as a mother. I let myself go down a rabbit hole of self doubt. I get so lost in these feelings that I forget all the beauty that also happened that day. All the laughs, smiles, and memories made together. So today; I want to reach out to all the moms out there who go through this and can’t seem to shake the feeling away. I am here to share with you 4 ways that help me lose the mom guilt that weighs me down at the end of my days.

1. No one can be a better mother for my children than I can

Say this to yourself out loud and feel how powerful this sentence sounds. This is very important to remind yourself when you are having major mom guilt. You and only you were made to mother your children. Nothing in the world can come close to the love and affection you provide for your babies. They count on you, confide in you, trust you more than anything on earth. Don’t take that away from yourself. You are exactly who your kids need.

2. I am an amazing mom, even as I work hard on becoming a better one

There are no rules to motherhood, you can be both a good mom and a flawed mom. Everyday you will learn something new about yourself and with that you apply it to becoming a better mom. Your kids don’t need a perfect mom but will appreciate a mom who strives to be a better one is some way. You are amazing even when you don’t feel it. Be gentle with yourself because you are doing the best you can.

3. The way I choose to parent is the best choice for my family

Remember when you found out you were pregnant and thought to yourself “how am I going to do this?” You did. Remember when you had a crying newborn and thought to yourself “how am I going to get through this?” You did. You made it through some of the toughest times as a parent and each time you thought you couldn’t do it but you did. You did this by choosing to parent how you felt is the best for your family. It doesn’t matter if its different from what you see others do, as long as you know that what you are doing will get you through. There are a million ways to be a good mom you are already making the best decisions for your family.

4. I forgive myself for my failures

This one is probably the toughest out of all the ways that help me ease mom guilt. Forgiving myself never comes easy because I feel so deeply that I have made too many mistakes as a mother. But that is wrong. Forgiving yourself is one of the greatest things you can do as a mother. Like I stated above; you are amazing WITH flaws. Once you are aware of your own flaws you can start to pick yourself up one piece at a time. Work on who you are and forgive yourself for anything you think you did “wrong.” Practice self care and know your worth. Don’t fall into a dark place over something that can easily be forgiven. Remember: little by little, a little becomes alot.

You will never have this day with your children again. Tomorrow they will be a little bit older than they were today. So while you are sitting there drowning in mom guilt try to talk yourself out of it by using some of the ways I shared. Take a deep breath, enjoy all the little things because today will be over before you know it. All your children really want is you.

You are mom enough.

Thank you for reading.

Much love,

Krissy.