I have always wanted to love my body through any phase I go through. I have always desired to “look” a certain way in order to be loved by everyone surrounding me. I have always struggled with body dysmorphia since I can even remember.
I’m struggling to love my body as it changes.
I’m showing a lot faster this time around. I feel like I look huge all the time. I’m embarrassed of my growing belly.
This world can be a cruel place for an overweight person. You always feel like you don’t fit in (pun intended). Well for women who are plus size + pregnant it can be even harder. Everyone comments on how “big” you are “already” or make shitty comments like “are you sure there isn’t more than one baby in there?” NO KAREN. I’m just over here growing a whole ass human on top of having a little extra jiggle, is that OK with you??
I keep saying how temporary this is and that I’ll get my body back soon. But how true is that statement? I don’t think I ever even got my body back since having my first baby. It changed. Grew and Stretched. The way I saw myself changed. And it hasn’t been the same ever since.
I find myself comparing my bump to others who are as far along as I am and it makes me sad that I don’t “look” like them. But the reality of it is that I look like ME. I look how I’m intended to look. Whether or not that’s gaining too much, not enough, bouncing back, not bouncing back.
My body will always be their safe place to hug, lay, and poke at. I grew them. I was meant for them as much as they are meant for me.
As I navigate this new territory I plan to embrace the growth and the change. As hard as it can be, this will be my last pregnancy. The last time I grow and nurture my offspring. Living in the moment from here on out is my ultimate goal.
I am beautiful.
I am strong.
I am enough.
I am a mother.