The thing about mom guilt is, well we all have it. Whether you are a young mom, single mom, working mom, stay at home mom, stepmom or whatever mom you are – we are all connected through the highs and lows of motherhood.
In reality a good mom has bad days and great days, normal days and overwhelming days, perfect days and trying days, supermom days and just being a mom days, a whole lot of love days and real crazy motherhood days.
I think this topic isn’t talked about as much as it is felt. At the end of each day I personally sit and reflect on all the ways I went wrong through my day as a mother. I let myself go down a rabbit hole of self doubt. I get so lost in these feelings that I forget all the beauty that also happened that day. All the laughs, smiles, and memories made together. So today; I want to reach out to all the moms out there who go through this and can’t seem to shake the feeling away. I am here to share with you 4 ways that help me lose the mom guilt that weighs me down at the end of my days.
1. Noone can be a better mother for my children than I can
Say this to yourself out loud and feel how powerful this sentence sounds. This is very important to remind yourself when you are having major mom guilt. You and onlyyou were made to mother your children. Nothing in the world can come close to the love and affection you provide for your babies. They count on you, confide in you, trust you more than anything on earth. Don’t take that away from yourself. You are exactly who your kids need.
2. I am an amazing mom, even as I work hard on becoming a better one
There are no rules to motherhood, you can be both a good mom and a flawed mom. Everyday you will learn something new about yourself and with that you apply it to becoming a better mom. Your kids don’t need a perfect mom but will appreciate a mom who strives to be a better one is some way. You are amazing even when you don’t feel it. Be gentle with yourself because you are doing the best you can.
3. The way I choose to parent is the best choice for myfamily
Remember when you found out you were pregnant and thought to yourself “how am I going to do this?” You did. Remember when you had a crying newborn and thought to yourself “how am I going to get through this?” You did. You made it through some of the toughest times as a parent and each time you thought you couldn’t do it but you did. You did this by choosing to parent how you felt is the best for your family. It doesn’t matter if its different from what you see others do, as long as you know that what you are doing will get you through. There are a million ways to be a good mom you are already making the best decisions for your family.
4. I forgive myself for my failures
This one is probably the toughest out of all the ways that help me ease mom guilt. Forgiving myself never comes easy because I feel so deeply that I have made too many mistakes as a mother. But that is wrong. Forgiving yourself is one of the greatest things you can do as a mother. Like I stated above; you are amazingWITHflaws. Once you are aware of your own flaws you can start to pick yourself up one piece at a time. Work on who you are and forgive yourself for anything you think you did “wrong.” Practice self care and know your worth. Don’t fall into a dark place over something that can easily be forgiven. Remember: little by little, a little becomes alot.
You will never have this day with your children again. Tomorrow they will be a little bit older than they were today. So while you are sitting there drowning in mom guilt try to talk yourself out of it by using some of the ways I shared. Take a deep breath, enjoy all the little things because today will be over before you know it. All your children really want is you.
This past Sunday we attended church. We try to make it every Sunday, but you know.. Life gets in the way. It was our first time attending in a couple weeks and the service spoke to me more this time than it usually does. You see, being pregnant takes a huge toll on a woman’s body. So what once was my normal is no longer existent. From cleaning, to being consistent with healthy meals, sleep, even attending church has become hard. My body this time around is restless and tired; things that seem easy to others are not so easy for me. With that being said one major thing I have been feeling is frustration. This frustration stems from feeling defeated in my daily routine. We all know as a parent frustration comes naturally of course. My frustration though, runs much deeper because of all my extra hormones that pregnancy has blessed me with.
At church the service was about “love.” All the aspects of love should be done with patience and kindness, it is not self-seeking nor driven by anger. Being a mother love comes naturally for your littles. Its a feeling you feel instantly and it never fades; only grows. Sometimes though, our littles like to test the limits of our patience. They do things that they know are going to get a reaction out of you. I’m not exactly sure why this is but it drives me crazy. My daughter Sage has a very stubborn personality and loves to be in charge of everything. I get it, you have your own voice so why not put it to use? I’m not against her having independence but sometimes she forgets that she is only five. This is where parenting becomes a challenge because she would rather listen to herself than her parents.
I often forget that that frustration can negatively affect the way you parent. I lose sight of what is and act out with a little anger and all my patience is gone. These past 8 months have been a struggle when it comes to being the best Mama I can be. The church service really put things into perspective for me and I have been trying to clear my head before reacting to things Sage says or does. So thank you God, for being the reminder that I truly needed in my life right now. Remember that no one is a perfect parent and all these feelings are normal to feel. Guilt can play a huge factor at the end of the day, just know that tomorrow is a new day for you to give your littles all the hugs and kisses that they deserve!